Imagine that you’re a Vice President of a large organization. Joe, the sector President, is making some poorly informed decisions that will hurt the organization. Whenever you try to bring up your point of view, he ignores, minimizes, or speaks over you. What do you do?
Here are 7 Steps and 7 Suggestions to get through to Joe.
Step |
Example |
Suggestion |
1 |
Get permission. “Can we find (or “use” if part of a regular 1-on-1) 5 minutes to talk through an issue?”
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When getting permission to speak, be sure to balance sending the message that the issue is important (e.g., by asking to carveout uninterrupted time to discuss), with a positive and almost light-hearted tone. Your goal is to ensure your manager listens to you without getting defensive.
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2 |
Acknowledge. “You’re highly effective at moving forward your agenda. I can learn a lot from you.”
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Acknowledgment is not about trying to sugarcoat the issue. When stating the issue, you want to be clear and direct. Acknowledging first, however, shines a light on the positive aspect of the behavior. Almost always, the difficult behavior is an overused or misused form of one or more of your manager’s strengths.
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3 |
State the issue. “At times, I struggle with effectively communicating to you my point of view before a key decision is made.”
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State the issue using clear and succinct language. Avoid dancing around the issue. Make it about you, not them. E.g., when stating the issue, do not say, “You leave me and others out of the decision-making process.” This puts blame on your manager and will most likely be met with resistance. Also, be sure to not start the statement with “but” as it negates the acknowledgement that preceded it.
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4 |
Share the impact. “Decisions are made without the insight of things happening at my level. Sometimes this leads to negative and unintended consequences. Personally, I end up questioning how much you value my perspective.”
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When sharing the impact, start with how it affects you and, when possible, share how the behavior negatively impacts the business (most ideal), your manager, and/or the relationship.
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5 |
Give an example or two. “For example, had we first spoken about your decision to change direction for the sector, I would have been able to share the likelihood that this would lead to the departure of our largest customer, which it did.”
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Be sure to keep bringing the conversation back to a high level when giving an example or two and avoid the situation where the leader is picking apart the logic of your example, as it directs the conversation away from the larger issue. Stick to unarguable facts and defendable positions.
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6 |
Make a request. “Can we find a different day and/or time for our 1-on-1s where they are less likely to be canceled last minute, even if it means reducing the time to only 30-minutes and can we take the first 5 minutes of our meeting with you updating me on issues that you’re currently working on so that I can offer relevant information if needed?”
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Ensure that requests are specific and realistic versus vague or unreasonable. The request is the beginning of a negotiation to share your interests, explore your manager’s interests, and find common ground that satisfies both. Your manager’s response will be to accept your request, reject it, or make a counter-offer. At least initially, concern yourself less about whether or not you’ve been able to convince your manager to accept your point of view and request. By getting to this point, you’ve already made huge strides by bringing greater awareness and accountability to the issue.
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7 |
Solidify the mutual understanding with an expression of gratitude and agreement to follow up in 2 or 3 months. “This has been very helpful. I really appreciate the opportunity to be able to be completely open an honest with you. Is it okay if we circle back in a couple months to see how we’re both doing on this issue?” | Expressing gratitude for the conversation reinforces the importance of openness and honesty. Agreeing to circle back is critical. Often, someone will feel they achieved a productive resolution only to find the other person quickly going back to their old ways. Ideally, you want to agree on a language and approach for you to gently confront the leader when s/he fails to honor the agreement. |
By the way, these steps work with personal relationships as well!
Dr. Jeff Kaplan is a business psychologist and executive coach who coaches executives and high potentials to lead with heart. Jeff helps leaders to work more collaboratively with others, recognizing that people are an organization’s greatest asset.