Dr. Kaplan, in a recent interview, was asked the following question?
Can you truly place yourself in a position of feeling and caring about other people you supervise or your peers? What does empathy look like when you are a Leader? Can you learn to be empathetic?
For this question, Dr. Kaplan used a client in an example when he was performing “360 Interviews”, something to be explained in another post; however, they are frequently used to discover the “real” issues the leader is having by interviewing those that work with them and know them well. He was interviewing an Executive, a peer for someone he was coaching; Dr. Kaplan asks specific questions, all the same to each person interviewed, to determine how the person he is coaching is perceived in many areas of life. One woman interviewed stated that the person being discussed “had no empathy and no feelings.” He was like a robot and just was not easy to work with, and he appeared to not care about anyone around him but himself. It was his way or no way. He was very arrogant and condescending to others.
Dr. Kaplan explained that to say somebody has “no empathy” are harsh words, and if they have none, they are a narcissist or psychopath, and this type of personality is a tough one to help. However, to take it a bit further, Dr. Kaplan asked if that person thought-if the leader being discussed knew someone, somebody that they loved if that person got hit by a bus, would the person have strong feelings? Would they allow others to see these feelings?
Dr. Kaplan illustrated this situation to state that this person does not know how to show empathy in matters that are not directly important to their own heart.
Unfortunately, the fact that the person starting coaching received several “he doesn’t care remarks” throughout the 360 interviews alerted Dr. Kaplan to an area to be worked on. Dr. Kaplan told the person being coached that by the time they are done with coaching, his wife, staff, and clients will thank him for going through 6 months of executive coaching.
After six months of coaching, Dr. Kaplan went back to find out if changes had been noticed. The metrics measure successful coaching, another topic to discuss in another post; however, hands down, this person was listening better, allowing his character to come out (and people liked him), and through learning some language tools, he was allowing himself to think and speak differently. He was showing empathy and this changed the way his peers and staff viewed him. All these changes allowed him to show emotion and empathy too. Yes, he had to learn tools to be used to be a better, more empathetic, and caring leader, and through his 6-month coaching session with Dr. Kaplan, he did just that. He also learned the value of a pause. Just a pause, you know, put a pause between your thoughts, judgments, you and your words, and your actions and then ask yourself this question? Whom do I want to be as a leader as a person and that immediately will take you to a different place?
It will work in people aware they must make changes to better themselves as a leader or those who are told that their job is on the line because of concerns regarding their behavior toward others. Leaders must realize that the people who do the work are the ones that they need support from. If the employees are not happy and feel they aren’t cared about, the leader will have major leading issues.
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